


where the water is darker

by copperiisulfate



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Gen, POV Second Person, Parent-Child Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-12-06 16:36:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11604570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/copperiisulfate/pseuds/copperiisulfate
Summary: when he was born, they said that he had your face.[matoba seiji, through the years, from his father's vantage point.]





	where the water is darker

 

when he was born, they said that he had your face. 

you didn’t seem to think so. mostly, you felt that he looked like his mother.

as he grows older, the resemblance grows clearer. 

you spy in his features her prominent cheekbones. you see that he has the same slant of her nose. 

and then: a softness to the angles in his face that could serve him well if he learns to use it.

 

*

 

he’s growing so fast, getting quicker, sharper, growing more and more clever by the day.

 _take care with your boy,_ they say, your brothers and sisters and cousins and all number of people who have all sorts of unsolicited opinions. _he’s too quick, too clever for his own good._

 _no such thing_ , you think, but you stay silent.

 _no such thing_ , you tell him, the day you first give him his bow and take him out for practice, _as too quick, too clever._

 

*

 

except, sometimes, he’s not quick enough, not discreet enough.

he doesn’t think it goes noticed when he slips out of sight, into corners he probably shouldn’t stray towards, into corridors, and houses and gatherings he should maintain some level of distance from.

of course, you hear about it, whether or not you want to. the matoba is a web and there are eyes everywhere.

you humour him for the most part; you let him wander, turn your head and your not-yet blinded eye. you feign as much ignorance as you can allow yourself.

besides, it is not much of a problem, or not quite yet. 

you have faith that he is smart enough to catch himself before it becomes one.

nanase, who remains by his side, assures both you and his mother than it won’t ever be.

his mother says nothing.

you cannot think of much to say, not really, but you thank her for her watchfulness as a formality.

 

*

 

to say that he does not disappoint would be an understatement.

you wonder how you would have felt if he had.

you wonder how he even could.

(you wonder if part of you wishes he had strayed, been free, enjoyed the cursory youth before it will be snatched from him, but it is hard to say.)

 

*

 

he is unsurprisingly a prodigy when it comes to the art.

he mastered the bow before he hit twelve. his proficiency with sealings follows not long after. his sight surpasses most exorcists of your generation already, almost begins to rival your own.

 _he will make you proud, matoba-sama_ , they say now with awe, observing his skill, changing their tune.

 

*

 

you prepare yourself for his inevitable disappointment when he won’t be able to obtain shiki with the same ease as his peers.

you want to prepare him for it but do not know how. 

he does not seem to need it but that is besides the point.

(your own father never tried to soften the blow, simply told you as it was, and maybe that was for the best. 

you do not know what is for the best.)

 

*

 

you want to tell him: 

_a lot of bad things will come your way and a lot of good things will not come your way._

_some of it will be because of what you have done and what you will do.  
_

you cannot tell him:

_some of it will be because of nothing you have ever done and there will be nothing you will ever be able to do._

you think:

_some if it will make sense later, much, much later, perhaps._

you think:

_some of it will never make sense._

you think:

_forgive me – i could not make it make sense, for you or myself._

 

*

 

(when he was born, they said that he had your face.

your forehead, perhaps, if you squinted to look for it and the light was just right, and your ears, maybe.

your eyes, however, he had without question.

you wanted to be glad for it, wholly and unequivocally. 

you wanted to, you swear.)

 

**Author's Note:**

> i have no real excuse/explanation(/canonical basis???) for any of this and have too many thoughts about a lot of things surrounding terrible bratty baby clan heir. 
> 
> (i also like to think that matoba senior Tried despite the odds never being in his favour)
> 
> title from one of my favourite poems of all time: _for julia, in the deep water_ by john n. morris and some weird inadvertent inspiration of ~vibes~ from glass animals' _youth_


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